Know what would be awesome? If I could be a size 0 and wear whatever I wanted and look amazing. I whine about this a lot and my husband hates it. Then at some point it dawns on me that I have an almost sociopathic fetish for food and I’m all like, “Oh, wait…if I have to eat like a movie star I’ll go fracking insane.” Which I will. Just ask my husband.
I’m much happier with a bellyfull of pumpkin and maple syrup.
I mean, isn’t breakfast the most important meal of the day? Or something?
No? It’s OK. This makes and great lunch/dinner/snack/pre-WO/post-WO/midnight/3 am/happy hour/whenever kinda deal.
I went for a jog the other day. I pronounce it “YOG”. Mostly because Anchorman has, indeed, had that kind of influence on my life and vocabulary. But also because I sincerely despise jogging…or running, whatever you wanna call it…and I refuse to talk about it with any kind of respect. Today my calves are still screaming at me and I have a bazillion blisters on my feet because, well, it’s been that long. Last time I act on impulse when it comes to exercise. Oh, the weather is SOOO nice today? Let’s go for a JOG, eh? Oh. HELL NO.
You know what IS appropriate for fall weather? Um, pumpkin things. Preferably baked pumpkin things…although I have this weird obsession with the memory of this pumpkin ravioli I used to order at Bacchus in New Paltz, NY after a long day of climbing. They also had like, a million kinds of beer from pretty much every country and if you drank one from every country you got a free T-shirt. PS, I also love(-ed) pumpkin beer. I will seriously make myself your slave for life if you can tell me where to find gluten free pumpkin beer.
I dream about this pumpkin bread. You’ll dream about it, too, you just wait and see. I even made French toast with it. Praise me.
I kind of feel like I live alternately between military and civilian. Mostly because so few of my civilian friends are married, engaged, or even thinking about getting hitched and all my military friends are over here like, “Bitch please…I got married 5 years ago.” Yeah, that was me married at 23. My civilian counterparts are ALMOST done judging me. Oh, except now my military friends are all popping out their SECOND babies. That’s kinda where they left me behind…not only am I not in any way to produce offspring (I’m told it hurts), but the best possible birth control is a good friend with a toddler. Seriously.
Which brings be to my PSA of the week…guys, if you ARE having babies, that’s totally cool. Really. You’re better people than me. But for the love of Christmas can we stop taking creepy infant and pregnancy photos? Here’s a rule of thumb…if you can’t re-create a photo with your adult child without it being normal or at least cute…please, please don’t do it. Or at least don’t put it out there on social media for the world to see. Like balancing your naked baby where your bump used to be…or laying around naked with your naked baby…or tattooing a picture of your naked baby on your bump and taking a picture of yourself with an Abercrombie-like expression. (Yes, I have seen all of those.) Actually, can we just stop taking naked pictures of ourselves and posting them online? Nobody needs to see that. There are special websites for that, and last I checked, Facebook wasn’t one of them (although some of the ads I’m getting have been making me wonder…).
OMG we’re like a month away from Fall…and all the pumpkin-y deliciousness that comes with it. Spoiler…I’ve already started baking pumpkin things. But I can’t share just yet…that would mean I have a problem. Either way, I still need baked goods in my life that I CAN brag about, so here ya go.
What the heck is a summer berry? Um…all of them. Seriously, go crazy. I used cherries (my FAVE), blueberries, and raspberries. Just go with whatever you like. Oh, and remember strawberries aren’t really berries sooooo you’re out of luck there. But apparently bananas and tomatoes and avocados are. Huh. These could potentially get really gross. Don’t be TOOcreative, mmk?
Does it still retain “cupcake” status if you eat it for breakfast?
So if you follow me on Facebook at all you know I’m about knee-deep in a 21-Day Sugar Detox right now. It’s my third one ever and definitely easier by now. This summer…and a cross-country move…and my first semester of pre-med…and these…and these…kinda left me with a donut around my middle. Plus sugar just isn’t very good for you. Even though it knows just how to make me feel so good. Sugar’s a jerk.
I ended up with these kind of by accident. I was playing around with muffin recipes (again) because they’re just the easiest thing to toss in a baggie for breakfast when I have a morning lecture…and then I got these, which despite having ZERO sugar (natural or otherwise), taste just like carrot cake. Seriously, I think these will give my best carrot cake recipe a run for its money. Or maybe it’s just that I’m at that point where I haven’t had any sugar in a week and EVERYTHING tastes sweet. I dunno. I still can’t get enough of ‘em, though.
My interest is usually piqued when I see an muffin named after a pie. I mean, how do you DO that without making a mini pie? Or just a muffin with fruit in it? Fun fact: these muffins taste like apple pie with all the softness and moist crumbliness of a muffin. The secret is to keep your apple chunks juuuuuuuust the right size. Not so tiny that you’re just making an apple muffin but not so huge that they don’t cook through. I actually sliced mine on a mandolin (on the 1/8 inch setting) and then gave ‘em a rough chop after that so that they looked like shards of glass. That’s a horrible metaphor…but really, think shards of glass.
The result is a warm, soft muffin with ooey-gooey pockets of that apple-cinnamon goop that makes actual apple pies so awesome. But without the effort of making an actual pie. How efficient of me
They’re the perfect breakfast to toss in my backpack to eat in morning lecture. And they don’t take up much space since that’s a valid concern for someone who bikes 7 miles each way through city traffic to get to school. It’s awesome. I’m saving cash from gas, doing my part to save the environment, and getting a free workout. If you’ve ever been to Baltimore you know there are some HILLS here. I wish I had the time to keep up with O-lifting full time but I just don’t anymore. I still get a good lift in at Dumbarton on Saturday morning and *maybe* another one at some point in the week, but frankly, a 40-minute commute by bike each way makes me feel pretty good about staying in shape. Just wish it wasn’t so damn hot…seriously, what’s up with this summer?! Pretty sure my classmates think I look like a drowned rat every morning. Or at least smell like one.
OMG I shouldn’t be talking about nasty stuff when these muffins were such a slam dunk. Banana nut muffins aren’t exactly original but I really wanted a Paleo muffin that tasted like those awesome ones you could get on a giant platter from Costco. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I pity you. I mean, these aren’t jumbo since I don’t have a good jumbo muffin pan…just my sissy little ones. And by little I mean normal muffin size, but I REALLY have a thing for jumbo muffins. But little muffins can be delicious, too. I guess.
I’ve made like a hundred different banana breads. (This, this, this, and this). I mean, I love it and it’s easy and makes good meals and snack on the go and is the best possible air freshener for the kitchen. Duh. But now my basic recipe has been revised. Again.
Why? Well, last time you’ll recall I had a change of heart about the excessive use of nut flours in baking, especially in something that had become a breakfast staple of mine. This time, it’s the flax. I have decided to quit using flax meal in my recipes since, well, it doesn’t agree with me. By process of elimination I realized it irritates my system, makes me gassy, and all that jazz.
I did a little reading, and it turns out that flax oil is really unstable (like many nut and seed oils). When you grind up the seeds, it goes rancid when exposed to heat or if not properly stored. If you want to use raw flax, you’re good as long as you buy the whole seeds and grind them yourself. If you’re like me and buy the packs or flax meal and store and use them like any other flour, then you’re doing way more harm than good. Oops.
Thankfully, the recipe was easy to fix and the result is just a nice, tender, rich flavored banana bread that is lovely on its own or slathered with raw almond butter and honey. Bonus that it’s oil and sugar free, so it’s cool for daily consumption
Right now it’s saving breakfast for me since I can just toss a few slices into a baggie and take them to class. Next step is to start making some serious Banana Bread French Toast…
Good. I know real Texas Toast is only available in a plastic bag and is probably made of sawdust, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t the perfect ingredient for grilled cheese, french toast, or…well…anything that needs bread. I did a quick Wikipedia search, though, and found that traditionally, a” “Texas Toast” really is is thick slices of white bread slathered in garlic butter and grilled. Um, ok. I can do that.
I hate that bit of conventional dieting wisdom that says you should “go to bed hungry.” Look, if I’m hungry, then as far as I’m concerned, relaxing enough to get to sleep is the last thing I’m going to be able to do–when I’m hungry, my eyes glaze over and I want to kill everyone and everything withing reach. So, yeah, Bob Harper? Go to bed hungry? Not on your life.
Getting back into the “competitive” routine, though, means that once again I’m eating more frequent and smaller meals. During the day this is great, since I’m always full and my workouts are better, I’m more awake, yadda yadda. But around bedtime? The 3-4 ounces of protein at Meal 5, aka “Dinner” is all gone and my tummy is rumbling. Last week I made a quick habit of these (Vanilla Maple? F**K YES!)…buuuuuut even I can’t delude myself into thinking that this is a sustainable addiction. Maybe just every other day…?
These muffins, besides being super convenient as a single-serve recipe deal, are super filling (thanks to the coconut flour!) and HUGE. Honestly, half with a schmear of almond butter is enough. Well, it should be, but I eat with my eyes, so I need the whole thing. But it fills me up without making me feel like I ate a brick the next morning. If you wanna get meathead-y like me, you can also take note of the protein content…perfect for overnight recovery! Add into the mix a very high fiber source of carbs and healthy monounsaturated fat from all that coconut. What’s not to like?